A STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

A STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

And Blogging Without Purpose.

I’ve played with these photos for a week or so. I’ve added some to instagram and deleted them. I’ve bounced around ideas for blog posts and scrapped them. And this morning I settled on officially deleting them! You see, I have a rather annoying anal streak in me, I want everything to be perfect and I’m afraid if it’s not just perfect then you’ll all leave for good!

This quality control within me often stops me chatting away without purpose on stories, stops me sharing my ‘everyday’ life on instagram (because the quality of the photography wouldn’t appease me & my annoying mind) and in many ways stops me sharing ‘diary’ like entries on my blog … sharing content that serves no real purpose.

You see when the blogging industry became a ‘thing’ blogs started to gain purpose. Of course it started with random outfits and rambling posts with honest streams of our thoughts, but it became more polished, more competitive, and more purpose driven. Content had to add value to cut through, and I suppose in many ways I lost myself as a result of this ‘mission’ i’d etched into myself. Whatever I shared should inform, inspire or in some way be of value to you! I forgot even myself that sometimes my favourite posts from other bloggers are those ‘brain dump’ posts, there the ones I often relate to the most.

When I did my questionnaire a few days ago, and often when I analyse my instagram hopelessly trying to work out how I could have greater success, it all comes back to one thing. Personality. And seeing more of it. There’s tons of lovely, positive and generous feedback that surrounds the constructive builds I get, but it’s those ‘builds’ that stick with me and swirl around my brain every second of the day. In fact the feedback is the same my friends constantly share with me – just let loose, free the reigns, share more of the everyday (because actually my everyday can be quite fun, full of travel as well as all the meetings I juggle). But it’s my own ‘quality control’ ball and chain that’s stopped me from doing it!

I just need to stop giving so many fucks.

Today, Saturday, i’m at home with my sister Lily. We’re both snuggled under a blanket watching back to back harry potter and feeling a little under the weather! It’s been raining too, so a PJ day has been double justified. My sister now has a very successful instagram channel which is mega popular (if only I could channel some of her insta success, le sigh) and so I’m constantly asking her opinion and guidance on what I’m doing with my own channels and blog (and my sister Harriett for that matter too), and that’s when we stumbled upon these pictures …

A few shots I’d taken during my weekend in Tetbury last weekend to test road my new Fuji camera (which I mentioned here & bought with the ambition of capturing more ‘day to day’ … LOL). I’ve been super excited by my new camera but inevitably not had a chance to truly use it yet given work, rain & a cold, apart from these few random pictures. Which, as I mentioned, I was about to delete. Until Lily stopped me, and suggested I just share them on my blog in case anyone wanted to browse them. She liked them. She thought you might too. She said that was enough.

So here it is, a ‘pointless’ post with just my thoughts and some random photos I took at the weekend! Is it enough? I’m grappling, but here goes anyway!

When I started blogging most my posts were ‘pointless’, as in, just my thoughts, my outfits, no agenda or real thought. They were less curated and polished. And I just wrote whatever I was feeling that day, because what came with daily blogging was more of a diary like editorial!

I felt sad thinking that perhaps my personality wasn’t coming across so much anymore (those one or two comments really did stick), especially because I’d say my personality is probably my greatest asset, far better than my sorry attempt at style these days haha.  The perfectionist in me felt like I was failing and the emotional side of me felt sad maybe you and everyone else didn’t like me … sob! I’m complicated I know! But actually along with my driven (, stressed) and ambitious side which I certainly channel into my career and perhaps too much my blog, is just the normal side. I’m forever late which is both exceptionally frustrating and often awfully funny, I don’t look after myself very well despite what you may believe, I go through bursts of madness when I just want to play and be silly (the video records are frightening), I juggle too much, I care a lot about the people in my life and am actually quite an emotional little being, I’m often spontaneous and more often too frivolous, and I have terrible style and colour coordination which is of course greatly hilarious given I somehow ended up with a fashion blog! Those that know me, say I should show those sides more because it’s what they love the most. They think it’s what you and other people would love to!? What do you think?

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I hope you’ll see more of all those sides from here on in x