Category: wellbeing

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THE GRAPPLES OF ACHIEVING MODERN DAY LIFE BALANCE

And a new era for mediamarmalade to support – Creating the platform, community, tools and resources needed to help you achieve the balance you really want.

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Finding balance seems to be the ultimate mystery in life for many of us.

If you’re like me, you love your career and have poured endless energy, focus and dedication to the progression and success achieved in your field of work. And no doubt that relentless commitment has served you well and helped you achieve more than you might have thought. Yet perhaps so far in life, unconsciously, your career success has been at the sacrifice of other important things – holistic health, mental wellbeing, happiness, family, physical health? And i’m probably right in saying that it wasn’t a compromise you really thought about when you set out, it’s just something that happened as your career demanded more of you, and perhaps it’s one you’re only more aware of now, as the impact of that compromise has become more prevalent (perhaps your health took a hit, your personal life suffered, you’re mentally exhausted or struggling to keep afloat) and i’m guessing now you’re aware it’s not a compromise you want to continue making?

Compromising really important parts of your overall happiness and wellbeing such as your mind, physical wellbeing, family, emotional state and feelings, or your spirituality (in whichever form that takes), for one area – work, it’s going to be sustainable for ever.

You may have already had red flags, in fact you may have seen many red flags and ignored them, you may have ignored them for so long that a tsunami had to hit you full force for you to realise change was needed. Balance required. Boundaries set.

I fall in the later of those groups, plenty of red flags were raised in the last decade of my career. In fact if quitting all my sports teams which had been a huge part of my life wasn’t an alarm enough, the rapid and chronic deterioration of my physical health (eventually) was. Weekly migraines weren’t enough to stop me for a good five years. But a couple of years ago, my body decided I needed a bigger wake up call to pay attention – and that’s when I discovered (after ignoring symptoms for another year, because I was too busy at work) I had developed an auto immune disease, Ulcerative Colitis. Stress, Alcohol, aviation – all big drivers and contributors to ill health. And all big parts of my life. Endless focus on my work and incredibly internal stress hindered by lack of confidence, anxiety and pressure, only broken by big, fun, booze fuelled nights out with my colleagues and friends, or trips abroad maximising every ounce of annual leave with a far flung escape! The more remote the better.

Much of the stress and pressure was self inflicted, it usually is, the usual imposter syndrome, lack of self belief and confidence, and an innate need to prove I could do it constantly coupled with mentally exhausting self doubt. No one would know it. I was a swan. In control and well experienced to deliver on the surface, trying to keep myself afloat under water.

It’s also not a set of ‘weaknesses’ I necessarily berate either – it is exactly those internal self destructors, that have fuelled me on to deliver the best I can all of the time in my job, to never want to let anyone or myself down, to work until 1am so the presentations perfect, to prepare so I don’t fail, to sacrifice ‘other’ commitments to give my work the time I needed to be as least anxious as possible to deliver.

That self doubt got me where I am today. But what I am now learning, is that the detrimental damage it can have on your mental and physical wellbeing isn’t an okay sacrifice to make – there are ways and means to have balance. To have success and a career you’re proud of, and maintain physical, mental, emotional and holistic wellbeing.

I am on a journey of self care and have been for the last few years (well perhaps since I was a teenager when I struggled the first time around), and I feel more passionately now than ever about finding that balance for myself, but also helping others too;  Those of us who do want to commit and deliver in a field of work, but also care greatly about our family, want to have good mental and physical health, and time for passions, hobbies, and relaxation – without that sacrificing work in itself.

Since lockdown this energy and passion has exploded, a month or so ago i felt overwhelmed by the ideas and scale of possibility – but what I have come to realise in the last few weeks as I’ve sought a little better balance again (see it helps), is that It can start small, and build in time, that actually letting things flow is the best bet for me.

I’ve always used this blog as a place to share career tips and side hustle advice, a place to talk honestly and vulnerably about confidence, health and self doubt, and I’ve even used it to share tips and advice on seeking balance. As my journey evolves and my understanding of (and success achieving) holistic balance greatens, as I discover new tools, techniques and resources to help achieve that balance, I want to share it with you. Jase is endlessly frustrated by my incessant ordering of books, journals, resources, but I love to read, explore and understand, and what comes with that is a whole breadth of recommendation for you too.

There are of course tons of people talking about various areas of wellbeing (and I for one love to learn as much as I can from all these places and people), but I want to create something that brings it all together in a really simple, practical and tangible manner for people like me – something that respects careers as well as health, and helps us each create a manageable balance fitted to our own individual lives and desires.

Whilst this space will still absolutely be a place for style, interiors, photography and of course my travels, it’s also going to be the first step and the place I start to share more about balance, boundaries and better living. 

Not achieving health at the sacrifice of career success, but nor career success at the sacrifice of health. We want both. And we can have both.

But to have that, we have to take the time to understand ourselves and what we need (what good feels like in all the important areas of our life, what we want to achieve, what brings us peace, joy and satisfaction), we have to build the inner confidence and strength to set better boundaries, to know with confidence that we are capable of delivering, respected in our field and believed in enough. So much so we have the courage to create balance and take time to work on ourselves, knowing that finishing work on time, calling ‘enough’ or working more flexibly to accommodate all the things we want in our lives, isn’t going to lose us that promotion, that opportunity or that job – in fact that time spent on self development, is going to make us even better, even more ready and even more equipped to tackle the challenge with skill, ease and calm.

It’s gaining self respect, building self confidence, having good mental health practices, finding your groove with physical wellbeing, creating calm alongside the buzz, it’s building a daily routine that benefits all your desires, not just one.

I want to talk about that. I want to practice and develop. I want to coach, help, advise. I want to create a platform to help this, I want to create a community to support, I want to create and share the tools and resources to facilitate the time out, to provide the ideas and inspiration to design your own balance boundaries. There’s so much I have in mind – some small, some huge, and so much potential in what this new era and platform could become.

But knowing myself and what I need to not stress or get overwhelmed,  i’m not going to try and do it all at once, i’m going to start here in the space I already spent a decade building alongside my career, with those of you who are already on the journey with me, and as my knowledge and capacity evolves, i’ll start to add in those additional things, perhaps expand beyond a website and who knows what this may be in a decades time. I’m excited about it.

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DESIGN YOUR LIFE

The Overwhelming Nature Of Choice & Why Going With The Flow Is Sometimes Better For Mental And Physical Health

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I’ve been reading a lot lately. i’ve always been a fan of a good wellness or philosophical book – in fact, its a weakness of mine. My regular amazon drip of mindful living, beautifully illustrated, self help books is a deeply embedded addiction. It’s less about ‘finding answers’ and more about self exploration and general understanding … and a pathological need to buy things.

Anyway, my latest reads (and still to read book pile) covers everything from The School Of Life: An Emotional Education, The Power Of Now, Miracle Mornings and The Secret, to Yoga: The Mantra For Life, Mindfulness Journals and every book on Zen living ever made.

I love the practices they preach, I love understanding more about human behaviour and psychology, and mostly I love the positive intent towards creating a life of better balance.  The possibility and power to design your life and create a 10/10 design in all areas – health, love, career, wellness etc.

During lockdown i’ve been reading more and more, and as you well know by now, have been thoroughly thriving in the work from home set up – so much so, i’ve been thinking about how to design a life that facilitates the balance we’re getting a taster for now, permanently.

But what I’ve come to realise in the last week or so, is how overwhelming ‘choice’, ‘purpose’ and designing a dream life without limitation can be. It sadly forces you to be dissatisfied with what you have, to focus on ‘more’ and to believe deep down you can have anything you want – which I don’t disagree with (PMA all the way), but, innately throwing everything open to choice and decisions can actually be quite overwhelming. What if it’s the wrong choice, what is the right path? I’m an over-thinker, worrier and stress head by nature and what i’ve realised, is that whilst I love the premise of many of the books I’ve read lately, and I of course would love to maintain some level of flexibility and have more of the things I love in my daily life (yoga, time out, travel etc), ripping up what you have now and have worked so hard to achieve, isn’t always the right answer.

If you’re happy – you don’t need to rethink everything. Instead of paralysing yourself with choice and a million alternative lives you could lead (because if anything is possible, then anything is a go-er), simply think about doing more of the things you already love doing.

Design Your Life, but perhaps with some parameters.

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For me, this means alongside my thriving in my job and career that I truly do love (and wouldn’t want to leave despite the standard working hour restrictions), finding better balance and making time for the other things I love – blogging, reading, yoga, travel, relaxation. Yes maybe one day i’ll own a wellness store (packed with the books, journals, stationary, wellness products & mindful living tools for others to buy) and even have my own coastal retreat for others to use, to spend time unwinding and re-finding their own balance (putting it out there, might help it become a reality); for now simply finding my own utopia (balancing  my career, my health, my happiness, my passions) and sharing my learnings on my blog with you, is absolutely perfection.

Choice and unlimited access can be really quite stressful if you’re not clear on what your ‘purpose is in life’ or perhaps you’re actually happy and don’t need a total 180 or a life purpose to give you joy. From my experience, simply going with the flow has bought me tons of joy and success.

I realise now my ‘Human Design‘ strategy and ‘not self’ themes are undeniably true – for me, waiting to ‘respond’ to opportunity has always been my opportunity driver, not seeking and forcing things to happen, and when i’m not in a good place, and trying to force things I end up over thinking, fixating and causing myself stress. NB: If you haven’t discovered Human Design, it’s another mind blower – combining astrology and chakras, it’s like horoscopes on steroids, but I’ve found it quite reassuring and a good guide for when I do start to overthink of worry (and freakily accurate).

So for anyone else on the ‘design your life’ bandwagon – don’t over think it. Sometimes gratitude, taking time to reflect and focus on some small tweaks to your life is really all you need … and those big things might just flow in time.

 

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SIMPLE WAYS TO PRACTICE EVERYDAY MINDFULNESS

Tackling Stress And Anxiety, For Today & Tomorrow

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Over the course of the last year or so I’ve been focusing a lot more of my attention and energy on myself, specifically looking after myself. After years of self neglect and overwhelming volumes of stress as a result of my career, it’s fair to say my health had never been worse.

I talked a little about this here and here, but looking back I can see I suffered for 6 years with rather chronic stress and anxiety that I didn’t really acknowledge let alone do anything about (I still suffer now but am becoming much more aware and conscious of it). The tail tail sign was weekly debilitating bed bounding migraines, every single week, for years, yet even then I didn’t really stop and consider that this was my body trying to make me stop, let alone realise the stress that was causing them.

As a confident, high achieving person, you wouldn’t really think on the surface there was anxiety and stress riddling away from the inside out. It was only really when I reached peak ‘unwell’ and finally got diagnosed with auto immune (Colitis) that I started to think about my health and started to realise the level of stress and anxiety I was dealing with. And sadly probably another year again until I was compelled into making some lifestyle changes and to re-frame my priorities – my migraines, skin problems and colitis reached peak, and I couldn’t continue with the constant battle of trying to feel well. It was only really this moment (a mere matter of months ago) that something clicked and I decided it was time to put myself first, over my job, and get a handle on my health properly.

Anxiety and stress affects everyone differently, it’s personal, it’s scary and it’s often invisible. Looking back, suffering with stress and anxiety isn’t new for me, I spent my late teens pretty unwell and had three years of therapy to help me through it. And here I was again in my late twenties, with a completely different manifestation of my anxiety – auto immune disease, but ultimately being driven by the same underlying issues – stress and anxiety.

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Perhaps it was turning 30 or perhaps it was just feeling utterly fed up with living in such an unwell state, but in the last 6 months or so I’ve made a serious concerted effort to adjust my lifestyle to start living WELL. Finally making a commitment to myself above my commitment to my work. Seeing a TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) doctor has really helped, of course western doctors have too and I am on treatment for life for my colitis, but the TCM approach helped open my eyes to self healing and the real importance of looking after yourself, from the food you put in, to the management of stress to simply taking some time out each week for treatment. It also opened my eyes to how interlinked my migraines, skin and colitis is, and critically how stress terribly impacts them all. I’m now dairy and gluten free, I obviously have medicine for my colitis, as well as supplements (tumeric, fish oil, digestive enzymes & probiotics) for overall inflammation, I am having weekly acupuncture, I’ve restarted Pilates and yoga, and am working much more consciously at managing stress, dealing with anxiety and ultimately trying to create more CALM in my life everyday.

It’s funny, as I’ve written SO many posts about managing stress and living more mindfully in the past – and whilst I still stand by those tips now, in reality they were my own cries for help and advice to myself, and as with most things you never really take your own advise. But this time it’s different, I am practicing a more mindful approach, there’s tons more I need to do, but for the first time in years I am looking after myself and I am seeing health improvements.

So whatever your situation, however stress and / or anxiety manifests for you – it might be one off bursts of stress, constant anxiety, IBS, IBD, migraines, panic attacks, a general feeling of depression, fatigue … whatever it is – taking some super simple steps to calm down is really important, and HELPS.

And not just calm down in the moment, but create more calm in your life so the impact of stress and anxiety doesn’t happen so often and so intensely. So today I wanted to share a few of the ways I am trying to be more mindful and some of the techniques I am finding are helping me be more calm.

Lets talk: Tackling Stress, Being More Mindful, Creating Inner Calm

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SIMPLE WAYS TO BE MORE CALM, EVERYDAY

Tackling Stress, Being More Mindful, Creating Inner Calm

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5-10 MIN PRACTICES

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JOURNALLING:

There are so many mindfulness journals available on the market that there really is something for everyone. I am quite particular about the sorts of journals I enjoy and would use, anything too laborious just doesn’t work for me, but journals that offer quick tasks that can be done without any effort are exactly what I need. I recently bought two 5 minute journals from Anthropologie (one is mindfulness and one is for the morning) and these are pitched at exactly the right level for me, 5 minute mindfulness activities that can be done anywhere, at anytime, and don’t require anything more than a few minutes of brain power.

MEDITATION:

Apps like Calm and Headspace are absolutely brilliant ways of adding a touch of mindfulness and calm to your day everyday, both offer free or paid for services and have such a great array of tools at your disposal. I love both for different reasons, and regardless of what you’re feeling or struggling with each day, they have an activity, meditation or calming story for you. I highly recommend both of these apps for a super simple but effective way of practicing well being and re-balancing yourself.

At it’s most basic, spending 10 minute simply ‘being’, with no phone, no TV, no computer, no noise, no anything … sitting for 10 minutes doing nothing is enough to achieve a little bit of mindfulness everyday. When was the last time you did nothing?

INTENTION SETTING:

Another very simple practice is taking some time each morning or evening, just a few minutes is required, to set your intentions, think about some things your grateful for, or simply framing your day positively. Often starting the day or ending the day on the right note can make a big impact on how your day actually goes (it impacts your ability to deal with situations, and therefore manage stressful situations more positively). Intention setting is a really easy but positive tool for embracing calm, feeling hopeful and generally getting yourself into the right state to handle the day (and whatever it throws at you). State management is a super important part of mindfulness.

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1 HOUR PRACTICES

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PILATES / YOGA:

Regular practices such as Pilates and yoga are fantastic tools for mindfulness, they are great for breathing, releasing muscle tension, generally clearing your mind and relieving stress within your body and mind. I find when I do regular Pilates and yoga I  feel much better both mentally and physically. It doesn’t have to be expensive classes, even doing a 40 minute yoga session from home is incredibly positive, or if those activities aren’t for you simply running or getting active is often a great release for people. The key is finding an activity that allows you to clear your mind, move your body and focus on proper breathing – you’d be amazed how bad many of us are at breathing properly.

WALKING:

Whilst walking has never been a big love of mind, a good hike does wonders for the body and mind. If you’re lucky enough to live somewhere with great scenic hiking routes, creating a regular time to get out and walk is incredibly powerful. But if you don’t live in the beautiful countryside, by the sea or in great hiking spots, it doesn’t mean walking can’t be done. A simple stroll during your lunch break, walking to work or jumping off the tube a stop early, or just ditching the car can be a great way to add some calm into your everyday – walking is a great tool for calming down and getting into the right ‘mental state’. The important thing is to be aware of what is going on around you, take in nature, breathe, appreciate the little things you observe and generally be present in the moment.

ACUPUNCTURE / MASSAGE:

I am a big investor in both massage and more recently acupuncture. I find massage a really important part of my ‘de-stress’ routine and it does wonders for both my physical tension in my neck and shoulders which happens more when I am stressed, but also it forces me to take a mental break too.  Whenever I can i’ll book a 60 or 90  minute massage (usually once every month or two), but I also schedule bi weekly 30 minute chair massages at work too. More recently I’ve embraced TCM and have acupuncture each week – i’m really finding this process is helping me heal – addressing the levels of cortisol in my body, healing the ‘damp heat’ I have, but also forcing me to take an hour out of my day each week for self care. Both massage and acupuncture can be  expensive, and it’s an investment I am consciously making – but if budget doesn’t allow for this, don’t let it stop you taking an hour out for some self care each week, even a regular time for a bath & face mask can do wonders.

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LONGER PRACTICES

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TIME OUT:

I find ‘getting away’ from everyday routines and stresses a really important part of my wellness. Weekends at home, spa breaks, holidays, city breaks, anything that involves getting away from the day to day stresses of life, an opportunity to engage with something completely different and a chance to be more engaged in the ‘present’. There is nothing more mindful and calming to me, than exploring a new city, embracing the culture, architecture and food. Of course these things can cost a lot of money if you’re travelling afar, but even a trip ‘home’ or to stay with friends can work wonders. For me these are really important and something I aim to schedule for every other month or so throughout the year.

READING / CRAFTS :

Assuming you’re not reading a stressful thriller or horror novel, reading is another great way of having some ‘me time’ and escapism from everyday stresses. Making time to read, investing in books that bring you joy and calm, and indulging in a few hours of reading each week or day even, is another very simple but often incredible effective way of generating some inner peace and tranquility. Both of which are really important when you’re trying to de-stress and manage anxiety.

It doesn’t just have to be reading though, really it’s about finding activities and hobbies that offer you calm and a chance to unwind – art, gardening, cooking, surfing … whatever the activity if it allows you to relax, and not feel stressed, embrace it.

LIFESTYLE CHANGES:

What it really all comes down to is creating new healthy habits in your life to reduce stress, help you establish time for self care and creating calm, and ultimately establishing positive new routines and rituals that help ease anxiety overall.

The techniques and tools are endless really, but working out what works for you is key – anything that helps you live in the present, be more ‘aware’ of yourself and what is going on around you, and helping you find practices that release stress and help you maintain a calm and positive mental state (rather than adrenaline fueled for example).

Paying more attention to the food you consume and actively fueling yourself with better more wholesome food, ensuring you get a solid night sleep (sleep is so much more important than we realise and it’s become a hugely important part of my daily routine now), getting a coach to help you build self esteem and confidence so those stressful situations become less daunting, or filling your home and garden with plants to grow and care for, taking up a regular art class or simply spending 5 minutes writing down your thoughts of the day – there are so many small and big practices you can embrace to help relieve your stress, calm your mind and relax your body, all of which help gradually ease anxiety, stress and increase your ability to live more mindfully (and ultimately, WELL).

They just require a commitment from you, to practice them regularly, to help achieve an overall state of calm, positivity and strong physical and mental health.

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At it’s most basic mindful practice is as simple as focusing on the present, focusing on your body, paying attention to your breathing, appreciating and being grateful for what you have, finding things that bring you peace and calm (a stroll in the garden, drawing, writing, listening to music), and setting an intention of positivity for your day. It can be done in a few minutes each day, from anywhere at anytime, and the impact will be far greater than the effort involved in finding calm.